Perhaps for the fact
that I try to shy away from the "I" just for the sake of allusion.
Not because the "we" is all that better.
But it shields and creates a canvas.
That we all drop a pollock'd smear to,
and it is random and chaotic,
but holds a sense of meaning to those
who need that. That rationalization.
Chaos of random particulate matter
with their particulate inheritance.
We know that it happens, and we have a
good idea why.
But.
I miss faith, the faith of not knowing,
or needing to.
I need to remember that "we" is not a dirty
word, for fear of regret.
I'm starting to hear Aaron Copland
all around me,
and the cluster tones
They draw me in.
Through the streets late at night with snow
that is replacing
rain.
In the conversations that I have
while I wander around
downtown
on my lunch and wonder where
our city went,
and why you moved out
to the suburb.
You don't need the big lights, you just wanted
the big, deep blue sea,
you told me that from
you told me that from
the start.
But at that time it couldn't have been all that clear
to me, nor to the singular "us".
I didn't know enough
that I couldn't let myself into the future.
Or let my past just live in my past.
Future or past, it's just time for now.
